Just coming out of the New Year’s resolution mode, many of us have turned our thoughts and our wallets to our personal Health and Fitness.  We have new gym memberships, personal trainers, new diets books, plans, and programs… the list goes on, and on, and on!

With the hope of gaining those rock hard abs, bulging biceps, or those ever elusive tight glutes, we spend countless dollars, and even more hours, twisting, toning, running, and usually starving with one thought in mind… “If I could only get to (fill in the blank) pounds, or lose (fill in the blank) inches, my Mr.(or Mrs.) Right will come pounding on my door and I’ll live happily ever after!  If only it were that easy!

The scenario usually goes something like this:  You hire a personal trainer.  You really can’t afford it, but you know with the added support, you’ll finally get that six-pack that you’ve almost had so many times!  Working out six days a week, and twice on Saturday,  he puts you on a new diet that he guarantees will work.  Then come the supplements…  You’re taking two multi-vitamins, a mineral supplement, a double dose of Hydroxycut, creatine, glutamine, and eight protein shakes a day.  $485 later you’re on your way to that perfect god-like body you’ve always wanted!  You’ll be the hottest guy at Pride!  For two months, you work your ass off – literally!  You start to see your waist reduce – as well as your bank account! (But it’s so worth it, right?!) You feel good, and you look great!  One day you’re on the treadmill, about to keel over dead, when “he” steps on the machine next to you.  Your pulse quickly quickens to “fat-burning” level, and you race on that machine as if you were the next Olympic record breaker!  He looks…. You look… He looks again… You’re on your way to living happily ever after!  The first date comes and goes, as do countless hours of daydreaming, and falling head over heals in love.  He’s hot, you’re hot, and you’ve finally found “the one.”  Six months pass, and you’re hooked for life.  At first, everything is perfect, as you are still in “make him fall in love with me” mode.  But slowly, your true selves start shining through, and those little things start appearing from nowhere.  Maybe it’s the way he looks at others… Maybe you start to realize how much he reminds you of an ex… But this is “the one” so you decide to move in together in spite of these “little things” (because true love conquers all, right?!).  You couldn’t be happier… or could you?  The next morning you wake up with a smile on your face, stumble into the bathroom, and there on the counter you see an abomination – the tube is squeezed in the middle!  Then you notice the towel on the floor!  Into the kitchen you go set on that morning cup of coffee, and are sideswiped by the pile of dirty dishes in the sink!  This can’t be happening!  Little by little, idiosyncrasies start to appear, and you begin to realize that “happy ever after land” isn’t even close!   One thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, you go two days without talking… then three… then you hear he was “doing cardio” next to some hottie at 24 hour fitness.  You’re crushed, and life as you know it is over.

This may seem a bit extreme, or it may seem like pages from your journal, but it is overstated to make a point.  We spend more time, money, and effort in this country in pursuit of physical perfection hoping to change our lives forever.  Don’t misunderstand, it’s an amazing accomplishment to reach physical goals, and it should be applauded!  However, once we lure in that perfect someone, we realize that though the body attracts, the mind, heart, and emotional state of a person is what seals the deal!  Yet how often do we focus on our emotional state?!  How often do we look inward at why our last 17 relationships (32 if you count those that lasted less than a week) never seemed to work?!  It’s easy to say things like, “It was their fault!” or “I just haven’t found Mr. Right yet!”  It’s easy to look outward for excuses for why things didn’t work.  The cold hard truth is that we ALL have baggage!  We all have emotional issues that if not taken care of, can rear their ugly heads at the most inconvenient moments!  It’s not the love handles that are messing things up, but instead, the way we handle love that really matters.  Maybe we are “working out” the wrong thing!  When is the last time you had an emotional “workout”?

Subconscious Wounds

Though we would rarely admit it to anyone except best friend, and possibly our cat – we all have “baggage.”  We all have emotional wounds that caused behaviors that we may or may not even be aware of.  If we are alive, we have “issues.”  It’s part of mortality.  Many people go through life trying to hide, deny, or suppress these internal challenges.  Some are not even aware of them!  There is nothing wrong, broken, or damaged in your life.  You are simply a normal, breathing, human being!

In many cases, these “wounds” were inflicted without our knowledge.  Often they were created when we were quite young.  Yet, they have the power and ability now to rear their ugly heads and mess up many things in our lives!  So, how do we heal these wounds?  Many seek therapy, prescription drugs, personal growth retreats, etc.  All are good, and seem effective, yet often the wounds seem to reappear after some time.  That’s because they weren’t healed at the subconscious level.  Have you ever had a stain on the carpet?  You clean it, and it looks great, but after a few weeks it seems to reappear?  That’s because the stain is much deeper than you could clean from the surface.  These emotional, subconscious wounds are much the same.  Unless they are healed at a subconscious level, they will continue to reappear over and over, reeking havoc each time they do.

What’s needed is an ability to get to the root of the wound at a deep subconscious level and allow the healing to happen there.  Some effective subconscious techniques are Reiki, Deep Meditation, Hypnosis, and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).

Emotional Fitness

Just like physical health and fitness, emotional fitness takes work, discipline, and effort.  When we sit and do nothing, we gain weight and create health problems that can easily spiral out of control.  When we finally decide to do something about it, we need help.  We read books, get advice from friends, and hire personal trainers.  Reading books gives us knowledge, but they don’t necessarily show us every detail that we need to know to effectively improve our health.  Our friends may have some success in bulking up, or trimming down, but they may not be able to teach us the proper form and technique, and we could hurt ourselves if we’re not careful.  Trainers, on the other hand, walk with us, support us, teach us proper form/technique, and hold us accountable.

Our emotional fitness should be no different.  Reading books, unloading on a friend, or attending seminars is great, but to reach true success, you need a guide… a trainer if you will, to help you discover, heal, grow, and create the life that you want to be living!  With our physical condition, it’s easy to look in the mirror and see what needs to change.  There are few emotional love handles!  Self-diagnosis on the emotional level can be difficult and painful.  Look at the feedback that you get from friends and most importantly from past relationships.  What is the common thread?  What are those few pieces that just seem out of your control?  Nobody wants to look at those painful and sometimes ugly parts of ourselves.  But true growth only comes when we can not only identify our “issues” but then take the steps needed to heal them.

How serious are you about finding that “perfect relationship?”  Are you willing to look inward?  Are you willing to see the things that you don’t want to acknowledge?  Are you willing to discover the root causes of those things that you don’t even realize you are doing, and then DO something to change them?  Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Are you willing to look at past results and learn from them?  Results are often harsh, but always fair.  If you want different results, then do something different!

There is an incorrect opinion that having “issues” or “baggage” is a sign of weakness.  Many feel that seeking counseling or therapy means they are “broken.”  Find me a human being living on this Earth who has no issues or baggage.  Look really hard!  They aren’t here!  We all have things in our past that need to be cleaned up.  It’s all a part of the human experience.  It’s what makes us fun, interesting, and unique.  It is what makes us the beautiful individuals that we are!  The sooner we acknowledge the gifts that are found in our challenges, the sooner we can learn from them and move on to the next one.

Physical health and fitness is critically important, and are part of a healthy, balanced life.  But, when it really comes down to it, it’s the emotional “stuff” that truly impacts our relationships, our careers, and our friendships.  Isn’t it time that we all put as much time and effort into making the inside as beautiful as the outside?

Roger Webb is a clinical Hypnotherapist, Master NLP Practitioner, and Reiki Master practicing in the PhoenixValley.  He regularly presents classes and workshops on understanding and healing the subconscious mind.  He also holds retreats & workshops for singles and couples, and sees clients one-on-one for Subconscious Therapy & Healing.  Contact Roger by calling 602.908.0524 for a complimentary one hour session.  Take a look through this site, and contact Roger today for your free session!